The Limbo Files
by The Silver Mystery
Summary: What happens to the characters that die in Hellsing? Where do they get sent to? Well, first they gotta make a trip to Limbo and await their fates...in a little bar called Asphodel. A mini series based off my last two stories. Enjoy!
1. The Brothers Valentine

Welp! Since this is just gonna eat away at me, and with encouragement from maroongrad, I am gonna go ahead and do a series about Asphodel and the folks that die within the Hellsing storyline.

The bar will have a few cameos of characters from other series popping in as well, so it's not….a crossover in the literal sense, but just something to give a pop in to.

The references in this little series will follow upon the knowledge acquired about the Divine Comedy. Each circle will be explained in a little footer at the end. Enjoy!

* * *

The Brothers Valentine

Oh, how Thalo hated noise in her bar. Normally, things would get rowdy and she would resort to pulling out her twin shotguns to make the place fall silent once again. But this particular flow of time was different, and she could not get him to shut up no matter HOW hard she tried.

The two brothers had come in, the towheaded one before his darker counterpart. For the life of her, the demoness could NOT understand how the two of them were related. Her thoughts of a horrid episode of Maury were put aside as Luke looked around in confusion and a slight case of fear. Luke patted himself down to make sure all his limbs were intact before making a wary walk to the bar counter, where he leaned on the ebony moon counter with a heavy sigh. "Manhattan, please." he asked softly and politely. Thalo could not help but to work her magic and added another twist of lemon for good measure to the drink. Most of the time, patrons came in, belligerent and frustrated asking for drinks. Granted, she did not like how Luke fought Alucard, but she just had to oblige someone who asked so politely.

"Sorry to see it turn out so badly for you." she murmured, setting the drink down in front of the crestfallen artificial vampire. Luke blinked for a few moments before picking up and taking a large swig of the beverage. "God, how horrifying. And embarrassing." he said defeatedly, placing his head in his gloved hands. "I swear I thought I had him where I wanted him, and he goes and pulls THAT."

"Oh, will you shut up with your self-pity party?" she broke through his wallowing, making his head come back up in shock. Callous, wasn't she? "Yeah, I'm callous when all I hear is just a damn self-pity party. I never liked those events, and I don't like them now!" she spat at him, hearing his thoughts loud and clear which shocked Luke. "You…you can hear my thoughts?"

"Comes with the territory of being a demon." She said deadpan, pointed to her horns curling around her elven ears. "And before you ask, welcome to Limbo! This bar is called Asphodel. It's kind of a holding area for those who passed on and don't exactly get to go to Paradiso or and for those who are also waiting to be seen by Minos," she paused to see another person come through the door. "Like him."

Luke turned around to see his brother being his unrefined self, cursing up a storm about where he was and flipping the bird to the patrons that gave him dirty looks. "JAN! Simmer down, and control yourself. Now how on EARTH did you wind up here as well? I thought you had the upstairs under control."

"Oh shit, Big Bro! Man, whatever the fuck them dudes at Millennium put in me burned like a bitch, I tell ya! Oh the flames were pretty, but shit it burned like a motherfucker! I had a calmer burn from eating and shitting Hot Cheetos for three days straight than that shit!"

Thalo never imagined that just hearing the younger brother would make her cringe every time he swore, but yet here she was, eye twitching in an effort to keep her full body from flinching. "Anyway, I thought I DID have that bitch in the bag, but fuck man! She pulled a fast one on me. Everyone in that damn room had guns blazing. It was fuckin' inSANE!"

"HEY! Either keep your voice down, or I will turn it down for you." Thalo finally cracked, gritting her teeth at Jan who raised an eyebrow before resuming to the speed of talking that would put Martin Scorsese to shame. Thalo turned back around, trying to drown out the drivel that came out of the thuggish brother's mouth, but nothing had worked to any avail. "Goddamnit, how does Rodin put up with this kind of crap? I've never had someone so annoying as him before. Boss, if you can hear me, PLEASE make a decision right now before I go back into a killing spree." she pleaded, though her pleading made her seem as if she was talking to herself, or a voice in her head. Luke eyed the bartender with concern before giving a soft "Is something wrong, miss?"

"Damn right there is! Your idiot of a brother here won't shut up his motorized 7-11! Get him to shut his trap before I get really REALLY nasty." She shouted, shocking the Valentine brothers into silence. The other patrons took one look at her before returning to their conversations with a shrug. "Must be one of them annoying little bastards." Said a stoutly man with a voice that sounded closely like famed actor Joe Pesci.

"Ahh, she's getting the hang of it. Give her a couple more centuries and she can handle them kind of pains in the asses without so much as a murmur." replied the man with black tattoos on his head and hands, watching the demoness bartender from across the way before taking down his shot of Don Julio.

Finally, Thalo's chance at some semblance of peace came as one of the other messengers of Minos came into the bar with two envelopes in her hands, each labeled for both brothers. Luke took his with a polite "Thank you." whereas Jan curtly snatched the one marked as his out of the messenger's hand and opened their respective envelopes.

"The fuck? Seventh circle, Inner ring?" What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Jan furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at the Baskerville font of the letter. Thalo soon broke into a fit of giggles as she already knew what the Inner Ring of the Seventh Circle was. "Oh it's gonna be boatloads of fun for you! Have fun lying in hot-ass sand as you get pelted with more of the stuff from way up high!" she said, blowing a kiss as two Minotaurs grabbed the younger Valentine by the arms and legs and carried him out, Jan kicking and cursing all the way.

Luke rather liked not being in the position that his younger brother was in for sure, being wary as to open the envelope. Pulling out the paper he saw that the page was blank save for very fine print at the bottom of the paper. Pushing his glasses further up his nose, he squinted as he read:

"As of right now, you are a familiar to Alucard. Hence, you are to stay in Limbo until further notice. But once you are officially deemed dead, you are to report immediately to Circle Eight, Bolgia 10."

"I….no." Luke's face paled as he remembered Bolgia 10 in the Divine Comedy, and he considered what he had done to deserve such a spot. It wasn't hard for him to discern as to why, for not only was he a victim of fraud, but he had committed fraud to many people as well, accepting money in return for turning them into impostor vampires like he was. There was only one thing that Thalo said as she took his now empty glass and put it in the sink behind her.

"Sucks to be you, brah."

* * *

Footnotes!

1. Seventh Circle in Dante is for violence. The Inner Ring is for blasphemers against God. The guard of the Seventh Circle is the Minotaur, who ever so kindly dragged Jan away kicking and screaming. I don't like Jan much, can ya tell? :D

Eight refers to the realm of fraud and acts of fraud. Bolgia [ditches of stone] 10 refers to counterfeiters, perjurers and impersonators. Seiing as how Luke was impersonating a vampire and conning folks [in the anime at least] into becoming vampires by them getting paid…yeah.

Welp, review and lemme know what you think! I might continue this hopefully. ^-^


	2. The French Stereotype

I'm excluding Alhambra and Rip from this for the simple fact that they wind up becoming his familiars and were most likely among the masses of souls that Alucard had to slaughter. Luke I considered an exception to that rule because…well, he was dog food, was he not? XD

I can't write a french accent for the life of me, so just imagine his voice having his usual french accent. Enjoy!

* * *

The French Stereotype

"You see a lot of things as a bartender. You see a lot of things at The Pixel Palace. So, I see a lot of things as a bartender at The Pixel Palace. And that's no lie. Swear to it."

Oh how the demoness bartender loved parodies of stereotypes. She could not help but find much amusement as she had some downtime in Asphodel and set up her laptop at the bar, putting on Video Game Confessions* on at full volume so that she could hear as she went about emptying the massive dishwasher and putting glasses as well as cocktail utensils away. "God, the one about Pac-Man NEVER fails to crack me up!" she smiled away about the thought of Pac Man also being Mrs. Pac Man. As the next video began to play about the Confessions of Lara Croft, the redwood door opened to the bar, making a creaking sound and perking Thalo's ears up to the new patron.

A lone, dark green eye began to glance around the room, taking in the sight of the lounge and bar as the frenchman stepped further inside. Pip did not expect to be in such a….homey place. "Huh. A bar? How strange. I expected more burning pits of hell."

"What the hell do you read, man? Oh, wait, I am sure you read lascivious magazines in your spare time in between missions?" Thalo mocked with a huge grin on her face. Pip narrowed his eye at the bartender, clearly not happy with the generalization about him and his habits. Sure he indulged in a Playboy or Penthouse once in a blue moon, but that did not mean he did it on a daily basis. "I do not appreciate being put in that bubble, thank you. I do have feelings."

"Oh really? I thought you drowned out your feelings in copious amounts of liquor." she shot back with an even bigger grin, recalling watching the Wild Geese's drunken parties in the lull between missions. She shuddered a little at the thought of one of the stockier mercenaries running around with only his boxers and gyrating his hips while twirling a gun holster above his head. "Those parties were not all the time-wait. How do you know about the drinking games?"

" Oh! You call them GAMES. They looked more like 'call the liquor company and tell them to ship crates of booze so we can regret our decisions in the morning.' events." the demoness did not know why, but she was on a massive streak of teasing and meanness. What was the word they used? Oh yes! A 'trolling' streak she was on, she thought to herself.

Tired of trying to defend himself, he went ahead and sat down at one of the tables, choosing not to sit at the bar and get even MORE of a tongue lashing from the demoness about the things he did when he was alive. He felt like such a dog with its tail between its legs; Sure he like to indulge in the drink and in women, but that was not him all the time. He DID have a job and men to take care of. He had to make sure the men were safe, well rested, fed and so many more things he couldn't remember off the top of his head. In the end, the Wild Geese were a surrogate family to the one he lost so long ago.

And Seras, the Mignonette. He finally got to show his feelings to her at the very last second, and now she was so much stronger because of him. His-dare he think it-love for her fueled his desire for her to live and to keep on living. His chin resting on his hand he smiled at remembering the feeling of her soft lips pressed against his as he fought to hang on just for her. He remembered feeling himself slipping further into the arms of Death and urging her to take his blood and grow to be stronger. He never said it, but he felt that he would always be with her in spirit.

Hearing his thoughts loud and clear in her head, Thalo could not help but feel a string tug at her own twisted version of a heart. Crude frenchman he may be, but hell he gave up his life to let a reluctant fledgling vampire live. Not a lot of people could say they did that. She remembered the fight between Seras, Zorin and Pip vaguely, but there were words that rung in her head as she watched the battle with Cereza and Cereza's lover, Cheshire*.

"She better get her ass in gear and realize that she has a man in her life that gave it up for her. That…is real love." her male companion said as he held his own lover tighter in his arms.

"Hey, Frenchie." Thalo said, perking up the Captain and making him look at her warily. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier. You really did love that girl, as dim as she can be sometimes about being a vampire. But hell, you showed her what she needed to do. Not many humans can testify that they MADE a vampire drink blood, let alone their own to keep them alive. Well, excluding Yayoi and Shido*, but that's another day."

Pip got up from the table to head to the crescent moon counter, taking a seat in one of the stools. "What brought this change of heart?"

"Careful, I might change it again if you bring it back up." the demoness warned, prompting the action of a zipper going over the Captain's lips, locking it and throwing away the key. "Look….you love this girl, it's obvious. Pervert you may be, motivated by money, definitely. But you fought for a city that was not your own, and fought for a girl who wormed her way into your heart. I am sure you did the same with hers. Take heart, man. You did a good thing. You saved her, and not many people can say that."

As the demoness bartender spoke, the messenger came in with the manila envelope, handing it promptly to the former Captain and nodding at Thalo before disappearing. "Eh? What's this?"

"Your 'verdict.' It's where you get to go since you died. I have a hunch that since your little vampiress drank your blood, you became her familiar." Thalo speculated, twirling a swizzle stick in between her fingers. Pip carefully opened the envelope, pulling out the single sheet of paper. The writing was typed in Times New Roman font, at a decent size for both Pip and Thalo to read:

**"As your blood was consumed by the vampire Seras Victoria, you are now her familiar until she passes on. Once such events occur, you are to report to the Ante-Purgatory under the title of 'Late Repentant'."**

"….What on earth does this mean?" Pip looked up, confused at the demoness, who rolled her eyes. "Look, Zorin killed you. You were not read your last rites, hence giving you that particular title. Be happy though, it could have been a helluva lot worse. I'd be seeing you in either the second or fourth circle of Inferno. Neither of them are pleasant, let me tell you. Considering you killed people for money and cavorted with women, yeah." she said, giving a smirk as she tossed the swizzle stick up in the air and landing it in the cup next to her with the other swizzle sticks. "On the bright side! You get to stay with your lil' Filet Mignon for a good long time!"

At the statement of hearing his love being compared to a cut of beef, Pip could not help but bow his head and shake, but laughing at the thought of the butchered nickname for Seras. He now wondered if she ever liked that cut before she became a vampire. He now had all the time in the world to ask her those kinds of questions.

* * *

Footnotes!

1. I HAD to throw in Video Game Confessions for this one. much credit goes to thatguywiththeglasses[dot]com for that wonderful segment and the inspiration to write this chapter.

2. I can't help it. Bayonetta! 3

3. Yayoi and Shido refer to an anime show called "Nightwalker: Midnight Detective." It gets stupid and campy at times, but hell I love it all the same.

4. 2nd and 4th circles represent Lust and Greed respectively. Nuff said. xD

Hope you liked! ^-^


	3. Dangerous Explosion

DAMN, this one was hard to churn out. Probably because I don't like her. AT ALL. Short, I'm sure but eh. I wanted to get her out of the way. Maxwell sounds like he'd be fun to write about next. :D

* * *

Dangerous Explosion

* * *

"So you've been here a very long time, I take it?"

"Hell, I own this bar. Had to make a deal with Minos and the others to make sure I could KEEP the place. But ever since, business has been booming between Inferno and Purgatorio." The demoness bartender replied, pouring another Venetian Sunset into a fresh glass for the former mercenary captain. "People always say 'I need a drink' but never actually get to do so. Well, here you finally get to! No cost to it at all. Well, unless if Charon comes in, then folks gotta pay up with their travel fare down the Styx, but when that stuck up ass isn't around, it's free." Pip took his drink and sipped away at it as Thalo talked, fascinated by how she worked and how quickly she worked as well; she rarely used her magic to make drinks, opting to juggle four mixed drinks at a time. At one point, to the Captain's amusement, she stuck two shakers in her horns and blasted electronica music for the excuse of shaking her head.

The aura in the room took a turn for the worse when someone who Pip SEVERELY disliked set foot through the door. The First Lieutenant narrowed her eyes as she took in her surroundings, wondering where the hell she was. Her observation was cut short when she heard a voice she was definitely NOT expecting to hear.

"Oh. It's you." Pip said, his voice drowning in disgust. "Tell me, how did it feel getting destroyed by my dear Mignonette?"

"Shut your filthy mouth, you worthless insect." Zorin shot back. "Why the hell are you here? And what the hell am I doing here in the first place?"

Thalo already felt a headache coming on as she took the shakers out of her horns once again. "You're in Limbo, awaiting judgement from my boss. And judging from the looks of things, your track record is not the greatest."

"And who the hell are you?" Zorin furrowed her eyebrows at the demoness, who rolled her eyes as she clearly wanted to make a human world reference. But time and space flowed differently in every region, Limbo keeping not only up to date, but also into the future as well. "My name is Thalo, I own this bar. Now are you gonna shut up and get a drink, or am I gonna have to put in a Rush Delivery request to my boss to get you the hell out of my bar? I will not stand having my other patrons antagonized. So try to pull some crap in here, and I will send your ass to Inferno so fast the Devil will wonder why someone is sharing the torture with him."

Pip, by this point had not seen Thalo this angry; and up until this point, he had not seen the demoness' eyes. When she did lift her head, he wished he hadn't seen her eyes; a lime green surrounded by a deep purple sclera. Vampires was one thing, but demons were another. If he weren't dead, he most likely would have emptied his bladder at the sight.

Zorin was shocked silent for a few moments before giving a huff of indignation and taking a seat at the bar far away from the former captain of the Wild Geese. Zorin didn't drink, but it didn't stop her from sulking in the shadows; after all, getting your face worn to the ground is a thoroughly embarrassing way to die. No sooner had she taken her seat, an older gentleman stepped foot into the bar, making a beeline to the bar counter and planting his elbows into the ebony wood. "Thalo, I received word that you spoke with a certain vampire recently."

Pip took a good look at the man trying to speak to the demoness bartender; his hair was tied back, but it didn't stop long locks of hair from hanging in his face with a goatee and the symbols of Mercury and Pluto tattooed under each eye.

"Damn, Charon. So pushy. Yes, I did. And I didn't call you because I know how much you adore him. Hell, you'd be all groupie to the Backstreet Boys!" Thalo laughed, which made the ferryman scowl.

"I would not! Well, I would not be as bad as those rabid little dogs. I would just ask to speak briefly with him."

"Oh, and then what? Ask him to give you some good, hot lovin'? I know how you work, Charon! I'm not stupid! Hell, I REMEMBER when I first came down with Xerxes! You damn near HUMPED his leg!"

Pip and Zorin, as much as they hated each other, could not help but to look at each other and try their best to not laugh loudly as Thalo spilled the sheer oddity of the ferryman of the Styx. Charon, thoroughly bristled at Thalo's true statement, did his best to regain their composure and looked at the two patrons. "I take it these two have already paid for their drinks?"

"Frenchie doesn't need to pay. He's going to Ante-Purgatory, and Half-a-Body-Suit over there hasn't had a drink yet." Thalo said, putting glasses in the massive dishwasher. "Hmph. I already know where the missy over here is going. Minos already told me." Charon grinned, making Thalo's horns curl forward in anger. "How the hell do you get the dirt on where they go before I do?"

"It's a gift. And besides, I've been in the business long before you, my dear. I know Minos very well."

"On friendly terms, or butt-buddy terms?" This quip made Charon visibly shaken and furious as his face tattoos began to glow. Secretly, Zorin wished her tattoos could do that. Pip just made sure he was nowhere near the ferryman as he scooted his stool further away from Charon. "BEFORE he became a judge, Minos kept me company on the many trips back and forth across the Styx between souls, for your information. You vile little demon wench." Charon added the last insult in a very low voice, but not one that Thalo could not pick up on.

The sound of glass breaking shocked both the captain and first lieutenant as Thalo held up the neck of a broken glass bottle to the ferryman's throat. "What was that? I didn't quite hear you. Or were you finished?" Demonic eyes narrowed at Charon, who just smirked. "Nothing. Nothing at all. Ta for now, dear." He said, waving a hand before stepping out the door. "I swear, I will raid his damn loft and find all kinds of bondage toys every-damn-where." Thalo grumbled, taking Pip's empty glass with a snatch. "Don't like him, much I take it?" Pip asked softly, hoping he would not grate on her nerves any further.

Relief came to him as she looked at him, her dangerous aura softening as she also threw the broken bottle-neck into the garbage. "Ever since I met the bastard, he gets jealous because I wind up meeting who he calls 'The hot guys.' He's SUCH a deviant. Which fits as he's the damn ferryman, always going back and forth, back and forth."

Her train of thought came to an abrupt halt as a messenger came in, with Zorin's envelope. Curious, Zorin ripped open the envelope, and her mouth dropped open as she saw in Times New Roman font:

'Ninth Circle: Round 1'

Thalo looked as well, and cringed, feeling somewhat sorry for the First Lieutenant. "Yikes. Well….have fun. It's gonna be pretty cold year round." No sooner had Thalo finished her sentence that two giants came into the bar, locking arms with Zorin and dragged her away, while she struggled against her captors. Pip merely looked on in confusion as drummed his fingers on the ebony counter. "Should I be happy I was not sent to the circles?"

"Be grateful dude. Be VERY grateful."

* * *

Foot notes!

1. I wanted Charon to make a brief appearance in this story because he hasn't really been touched on before. And c'mon. Tha thought of him being a fanboy of Alucard is just too funny. xD

2. Circle 9 is the realm of treachery, where Round 4 is where traitors are "displayed. If you call displaying your shame being frozen up to where only your face is showing then….*thumbs up* goody for you. .; The Ninth Circle is guarded by giants, which Zorin got dragged away by. Damn, Zorin. Got your face worn into the ground, and now you get to display it? *sarcasm* Lucky day for you! *end sarcasm*

Welp, review and I hope you liked!


	4. Fruitless Fame

Welp! Here goes the little annoying bastard Maxwell. Well, he's annoying to ME, anyway. I forget if Zorin and Pip died first before him, or if that was after. Ah well. Oh, and my second character makes an appearance! Enjoy!

* * *

Fruitless Fame

* * *

It all felt like such a nightmare. One minute he had the control of a powerful army, ready to go to war against Mars, and now his life force was fading away, a mere shell of what he used to be. His spirit ripped away from his body as he witnessed the sheer carnage of the vampire at his fullest strength. In his final living moments, he knew.

Dracula. THE Dracula, was not one to be messed with. The waves and waves of the army of the undead overran his mere 3000 soldiers. In his moment of power, he felt he was invincible. As if nothing could touch him! Mars himself could try and kill him!

It wasn't until the person who had taken care of him when he was a wee lad turned on him, and destroyed the window that his worst fear became realized.

He was dying. Dying at the hands of not only a vampire, but his most trustworthy subordinate. Anderson, he did so much for him; killed for him, gave sermons, protected him! Only to turn on him, destroy his last vestige of protection. If there was one thing Maxwell could count on when it came to Anderson, it was to at least give a brief preaching sermon before he died. Even IF it was about how Maxwell had turned his back against God. Thus when his eyes finally came to a close, the horrid visions of the nightmare finally came to an end.

* * *

An odd, bass-emphasized song played throughout the bar as Thalo served a Green Dragon to a demonic buddy of hers who was also stationed in Limbo. "I tell ya, Azuli. There are…so many damn whackjobs in this life, like, you don't even know! Every day, it's always me having to explain things to folks!"

"Comes with the job, I would think. I mean being a bartender in LIMBO after people die is kind of a big deal." the demoness named Azuli said, dipping a fingernail in the powerful drink and lapping up the drop. "And DAMN, this never fails to be potent." The statement made the bartender smirk. "Funny thing is I haven't made and served this yet to anyone except you."

When the door to Asphodel creaked slightly, the demoness friend pointed as the Archbishop set foot through the door. "Well, looks like you will have to for him."

Enrico Maxwell blinked as he tried to take in his surroundings. Last he remembered was of Anderson watching as his impaled body bled to death, and of Anderson walking away after his eyes came to a close. And now he was…in a bar? With two odd looking women, no less. Wait-horns? "Wh-demons?" Maxwell paled a little at the sight of Thalo, who grinned evilly.

"Mr. Maxwell, welcome to Asphodel. Located in Limbo!" the bartender leaned forward on the ebony crescent moon counter, revealing her ample cleavage through the corset she rarely wore. "Care for a drink? I'm sure you're parched." she grinned even more at her little joke, whereas Azuli snickered. This did not amuse Maxwell in the slightest, getting the joke made at his expense. "Foul heathens! I will not drink from such a heretical establishment!"

"Ahh, you have the nerve to call me that when you chose to wage war on the God of War, Mars himself. A pretty heretical statement, doncha think?" Thalo smirked as she hammered home her point. "Besides, it's not like you're going to Paradiso anytime soon. Faaaar from it." accented with a smile dripping with smugness, Maxwell visibly shook in anger. "But I served my life for God! How could I-"

"Yeah, AT FIRST." the demoness bartender cut him off before he could ramble. "But in the end, what was it for? You tried launching a damn war against protestants. PROTESTANTS! Not for God, but for who? You and you damn self! All because you couldn't wring Integra's neck with your own two hands." This shocked the former Archbishop back into silence. The vile demon somehow could see right through him! And perhaps see at things he was not aware of.

The bass-heavy song finally faded into the silence, and a new one took its place; synth and keyboards throughout as well as familiar lyrics…to Thalo at least. The heavy tension broke as the bartender jammed to it, making her friend laugh out loud, waving as she was leaving, but not before patting Maxwell on the shoulder and saying "Good luck, man. You'll need it."

Maxwell shivered visibly as Azuli finally closed the door behind her as she left, wishing he had holy water to cleanse the shoulder she touched. "Oh, can it you damn tyrant. You make me AND her look tame in terms of being demonic in nature. I've only calmed down in the centuries passing. It never fails though seeing folks like you and it reminds me of my old days. But unlike YOU, Xerxes damn near worshipped me after he conquered a new land."

"As if I have to listen to you, you vile creature of Hell!" Maxwell spat, crossing his arms like a little five year old who did not get the large lollipop he wanted. "Seriously? You're STILL on that? Did I forget to tell you you are NOT going to Heaven? Or did it pass through that self-righteous brain cell you have?" Thalo rolled her eyes as she downed the rest of the Green Dragon. She was going to need it against this asshole. Most Christians she met were NEVER this bad, which gave her a horrid thought. What if ANDERSON showed up down in Asphodel?

Suddenly, drinking that Green Dragon in one shot was not such a good idea. "Oh? Jesus got your tongue, you heretic?" Enrico jabbed, a grin plastered over his lips. "Can it, you damn harpy." Thalo shot back, putting the glasses in the receptacle for washing with a bit more force than required as one glass broke. "Mother-!" Thalo held herself back from cursing. After the last experience with the Valentine brother Jan, she did NOT want to pick up on his awful habit of cursing every other word. Sighing a heavy sigh, she took out the broken cocktail glass, throwing it in the garbage. "You better hope that you don't land your arrogant butt in Inferno. I can see you in the Seventh Circle with that horrid Jan Valentine."

"I doubt I will be sent to Hell. My whole life was dedicated to God and God alone."

"Even when you were little? I can see right through you, Maxie-boy. Everything was fueled by one motive; recognition. Ignored by many except Anderson, you wanted more. You wanted the fame. So you wormed your way into the Church, and the higher in rank you got, the more bloated your ego got. You kept thinking that you would win some kind of achievement for getting into the Vatican and working for Section 13." Thalo scoffed. "Please. No one….NO ONE gets recognition in the Vatican in the public eye EXCEPT the Pope. So unless the Pope somehow died under 'mysterious circumstances' and you were chosen as Pope, I HIGHLY doubt you would be a mote in anyone's eye. Oh wait! YOU NEVER WERE."

Any trace of pride and anger broke down as Thalo broke HIM down little by little. Maxwell soon felt like the one piece of china he broke when he was little; in so many pieces that he didn't know if he could repair himself again. Tape was too obvious, and so much glue would be needed to get the intricacies. It took him getting berated by Anderson and the other fathers in the orphanage to realize what he did wrong. And now he felt it. Head bowed down, he tried to hide his eyes as a tear fell onto the indigo carpet.

The demoness was tempted to tell him to man up and stop being a sissy, but this was not one of those times. It was one thing when it was a paper cut to a five year old child, but a grown man who finally realizes his real motivation to the Church laid flat out and on the table with every piece dissected to the atom was a whole other matter. She kept silent as Maxwell finally sat down in one of the iron wrought chairs, his head in his hands as he cried silently.

The messenger came in once again with the customary envelope, which Thalo took silently. She already knew where he was going, and the letter was not required. Why rub in a broken man's face the sins he committed through his false pride?

At least in the First Terrace, he already knew what stone cross he was going to bear.

* * *

Foot notes!

1. Azuli is a projected version of myself. SELF-INSERT HOOOO! Thalo is technically my inverse in my personal story.

2. The First Terrace in Purgatorio is for the Proud. They -literally-walk around the Mount Purgatory with large stones on their backs while looking at sculptures showing the virtue in Humility.

Welp! Hope you liked! Review and lemme know whatcha think!


	5. You Defy the God of War?

Skipping Yumie/Yumiko because let's be honest, she didn't get much screen time in the manga, and I HIGHLY doubt-if OVA 8 comes out- that it will be the same. Gotta love bit characters! :D So I am jumping right to…..*thinks* crap, who died next after Yumiko? Ah! Major! The War-Mongerer. Hate his guts, but what can you do? Enough talk, let's dive right in!

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You Defy the God of War?

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Rarely ever did Thalo have a theme set for Asphodel. Hell, the general feel of Asphodel was one of a sort of noir vibe as the deep crimson and soft pillows lurked in the lounging area of the bar. But at that particular moment, after Alucard had left, Thalo felt in a mode she had not felt in years. She was ready to fight and go to war. With a flick of her wrist, the room turned from one of noir to one of a rave setting. Candles were replaced by backlights and the real lamps were replaced by bulbs of other colors; pink, green and blue mostly. The tables were moved to the side, leaving an open space in the middle with enough room for people to dance in, or in the demoness' case get a Bo staff with a pointed end from the storage room and whip out a few moves. She was good with a spear, decent with a sword, but she loved her Bo staff second only to her twin shotguns.

Hair and limbs flew wildly along with the long, green and silver cylinder as the demoness went with the flow of the song "Rebellion". Liberation flowed through her veins as she fed off the energy of the battles in the Human World. Memories flooded back to her as she saw herself out on the battlefield with the other Persian soldiers swinging her spear wildly as she aided them in the battle. She loved her signature move as she helped Xerxes conquer over the other lords; using her staff or spear as a pole-vault, yanking it out of the ground in mid-air and impaling her enemy through the mouth as they watched in shock. Once her weapon was secured in her enemy's mouth and out through the other end into the ground, she balanced her hands to where she did a split, looking Xerxes dead in the eye with a sadistic grin.

Or in this case, the Major as he looked on, impressed at the demoness' prowess. With a laugh of sadistic glee, he applauded with enthusiasm. "How beautiful, my dear! Clearly, you are a woman who knows how to fight. If only I had know you when I was living. I would have loved to have you on the battlefield just to se how you worked!" Thalo narrowed her eyes at the war-hungry man. "Oh? And on whose side would I have been on then, hmm?"

"That doesn't matter, fraulein. A bloodthirsty creature like you is one to be feared by many. Oh, how to see you in battle against the almighty Alucard. You probably would have given him a run for his money." Getting down from her split and sliding down the staff, she yanked the staff out of the ground and returned it to its home in storage. "Yeah, well, quite frankly I am on good terms with Alucard, so that would not be happening. And plus, I grew out of my crazy, war-loving days after Xer-my friend-was killed by one of his former subjects. After that, I pretty much just gave up."

"Oh, but why? A beautiful creature of destruction such as yourself I could imagine leading soldiers on in battle, accompanying them on the field." the Major asked, taking a seat near a table by the wall. "Surely Mars would have been on your side the entire time, followed by Nike!"

"No." Thalo said, her head down as she reminisced. So the Major's feelings were what was fueling the madness she thought she suppressed. "I had to make my own way. Your God of War never existed. EVER. Determination creates those illusions. You were determined to have a never-ending war, did you not?" She said, walking back to the counter and turning down the music. "You spoke of having no goals. Yet, wasn't THAT a goal in and of itself? Bloody hypocrite."

"Ah, but fraulein, how am I a hypocrite when my expectations FOR that war HAVE no goal or purpose? I just love it. I love seeing the madness and the confusion!"

"Save the speech from when they do a damn documentary about this whole damn affair!" Thalo snapped, which only made the Major grin. "Chaos and order. You can't have one without the other. It it like life without death. How would we appreciate that things end if they don't?" When she looked up again, the fatigue showed in her eyes. Pools of fatigue over the nights of no sleep and constant slayings. When the madness ebbed, only the blood and limbless corpses remained. "What would it be like if all you saw was war ALL THE TIME? Wouldn't you get bored? Wouldn't you get sick of it?"

Pursed lips and a shake of the head in amusement was the body language reply she got. "My dear, I LIVE for those things. The bloodshed, the determination and the smell of gunpowder in the morning are all that I would ever want." And Thalo thought SHE was a creature born from insanity; the Major was TEN times worse. Bred from the bowels of madness and war. Perhaps the Major was the embodiment of Mars. Or if not, he made himself to be that manifestation. Fatigue set in as his energy was draining her and leading her back to the madness she fought so hard to suppress. She wanted to do right; isn't that why she created Asphodel?

The energy in the room dissipated as soon as the messenger came in with the envelope. Handing it to the Major, he opened it.

"Due to circumstances surrounding both the worlds of violence and gluttony, you are hereby pinned to the Third Circle for your consumption not only of food, but also of your gluttony of war."

Thalo chuckled as she watched the Major read the message for him. "Such is the price to you for defying the plans of the God of War."

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Footnote:

1. Circle 3 is for gluttony. It's boatloads of fun getting pelted by ice-cold rain while being stuck in horrid slushy mud while being blind to the others surrounding you!

Geez, this was short. Ah well. The Captain and the Doctor are going to be skipped for a better chapter in Walter because I have a bone to pick with the butler. :D

Welp, hope you liked!


	6. Create Your Own Experience

Walter Walter Walter…..I am VERY disappointed in you!

The last chapter surprisingly! Part of me is sad to see it go, but another part of me is happy, because it frees me up for Road Rasher and a few others I may be thinking about doing! Onward with the story!

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Create Your Own Experience

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Foolhardy. That was what he was. Foolhardy and an idiot for being as such. How could he have thought he could beat him? And yet he was beaten to the punch by a damn cat-boy committing suicide to defeat his rival! Needless to say, Walter Dornez was not pleased. It took him forty years-FORTY YEARS- to finally reach that moment of combat between the two of them, and he couldn't do it. Even being put back into his physical prime he couldn't beat Alucard. He almost had him at one point! Or he thought he did, until that idiot Luke took Alucard's place in the wires.

Damn it. Damn it all to Hell! Damn him and the shoddy work by the Doctor to create those damn vampire chips. Poor Mina Harker; if she had known her remains were being used to such a horrid means to an end, she would be pulling her hair out in Heaven for sure! For he and so many others just became bootleg copies.

Copies. The mere word on his tongue disgusted him. A copy was only a weaker version of the real thing. And he hated the thought of being weak. And he was weak now as he felt his spirit ripped away from his body, now a shell of what he used to be.

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Rarely ever did Thalo take breaks when it came to Asphodel, but with the damn war raging in the Human World, people were coming in left and right! It was hard trying to keep a tab going of who wanted what when you got a horde worse than Xerxes' troops making their way to Greece! And with three-quarter's less than the casualties. So she was grateful when Azuli had come back with a few more friends in tow, rounding up the drinks and keeping tabs while they shooed the demoness bartender out of her own bar. The nerve of them all! But Thalo loved them all the same.

Stepping outside the door, Thalo saw an elderly gentleman make his way down towards the bar. For being older, he looked quite fit. So how the hell was he here? Oh, wait… this was the guy that Alucard fought before Alucard got sent to Asphodel! "Walter Dornez." Thalo said, taking out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes. "Funny. I would have thought you would still be living, begging for Integra's forgiveness after what you did."

The former butler narrowed his eyes at the demoness before leaning against the same wall she was on. His aged features began to regress once again as he chose his form that he was in in his twenties. "Begging is not becoming of an English Gentleman."

"Yeah, well neither is turning coat just to get back at someone because they had more power than you." Thalo said with the cigarette in her mouth, clicking the lighter on. Walter blinked. "How on Earth do you know about all this?"

"Sweetie, I've been around the block a helluva lot longer than you. Not to mention that I saw Alucard long before you showed up. He was a bit more upset that the cat in a box took him out more than you betraying Hellsing." Cigarette finally lit in her mouth, she took a drag, exhaling the menthol smoke through her nose. "Though that doesn't make what you did any more rage-stirring." she said, giving a mock smile. "He always flaunted off how powerful he was…" Walter said quietly, his head bowed down. "Left me to do a lot of the work, though. I remember when we first got to Germany. He left me to fight the Captain alone! Stubborn, vampiric fop didn't want to deal with it at all!"

"Maybe because he wanted to see what you could do?" Thalo never imagined that someone of Walter's caliber could be such a whiner, or one with such a huge grudge. "And seriously, he wanted someone that could keep up with him. I'm sure you saw the fight between him and Anders-oh wait! You weren't there because you were getting all chipped and crap!"

Walter glared at the demoness, who just glared right back as she took another drag of her cigarette. "And let's be real here. There is no way in hell you would be able to beat him. Alucard's been worked on for damn near over a century! Mere wires won't do shit against him! Not unless they were made of silver. And even THEN you wouldn't stand a chance." Thalo chuckled as a song by Daft Punk began to play in her head, looking at the butler who averted his gaze to the ground outside of Asphodel. "All I wanted was one chance. One GOOD chance against him. And now look at me. Made into a bootleg copy of the real thing. Always weak. Always."

"Y'know….this begs the question." Thalo put out her cigarette by dropping it to the ground and stomping on it with her foot. "Did you ever ASK Alucard if you could spar with him before he got sealed away? I'm sure he would have liked a challenge." That question rose more questions inside Walter, as they simmered and festered before him. Why HADN'T he done that? Maybe then he would have been on better terms instead of being an idiot and joining Millennium to be made into that weak copy of Alucard.

"I take it the answer is a 'no.' Figures. Retrospect always makes people wonder what it is they could have done differently, and by then it's too late! But… you create your own experiences that way. Life is never cut-and-dried is it?" she chuckled. Walter could not help but chuckle as well, looking up at the sky, indigo with flecks of what seemed like millions of stars. "Very true, Madam. Very true. But…may I ask…where is this place exactly?"

"Huh. You're the first person to ask in a while. Well, this…." she pointed to the door of the bar. "Is Asphodel. Bar and holding place for the decision making of souls. Most people who get sent here get sent to Inferno. But there are a few cases where people get sent to Purgatorio or Paradiso from here. Limbo is a funny place, ain't it?"

"I'm in…Limbo right now?"

"Yup. You're here waiting on a decision as to where you are going. Five bucks says you're going to Second Terrace, but I could be wrong."

Walter blinked at this. Ah! The Divine Comedy. It had been a long time since he'd read the book. "Second Terrace…last I remember was for Envy was it not?" A simple nod was his reply. "Mm." This made sense; he WAS envious about Alucard's power. But he knew he was not going to like the punishment in store. But he couldn't remember for the life of him what the punishment was for that particular world.

"The punishment?" Thalo said, making Walter jump slightly as she read his thoughts. "You get to wear a grey cloak expressing your 'sorrow' over what you did with your eyes sewn shut. Probably to prevent you from crying your ass off, but I could be wrong. It's kinda hard to not cry when ya' got a needle and thread going through ya' eyelids."

A twitch of the mouth proved the humor in Walter's frigid disposition as her words did sound rather amusing the way she worded it. And sure enough, a messenger arrived, handing an envelope to Walter, who opened it cautiously.

**'Due to your mix between Wrath and Envy; a weighing was determined and it was finalized that your envy outweighed your wrath over the vampire Alucard. Henceforth, you are to go to the Second Terrace.'**

"Looks like I called it." Thalo said, snapping her fingers as a Midori sour appeared in her hand and taking a sip of it before a messenger from Paradiso made an appearance with an envelope for Thalo. "Eh? For me? I thought you bastards hated me upstairs."

"Blame the boss. Apparently he likes what you do." the Paradiso messenger said before vanishing in a cloud of white smoke. Walter looked over as Thalo opened her envelope, damn near dropping her drink when she saw the print before her.

'Due to the massive amount of work you have done in Asphodel, it has been decided that you will come to the First Sphere and open a branch of Asphodel for the realms of Purgatorio and Paradiso. And do tell Alucard that he is going as well, as you have better communication methods than we here in Paradiso do.'

"Well…good luck Mr. Dornez." Thalo said, patting Walter on the back on her way back into the bar. "You will need it."

"And good luck to you for the First Sphere, Miss." Walter replied back, closing his eyes and fading way once again, whisked off to Mount Purgatory. Thalo headed inside, where she face-planted into the carpet with the open envelope next to her head.

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Huh…It's already over….kinda crazy isn't it? One of my first few projects that was multiple chapters that is DONE. Welp, hope you enjoyed this as much as I did writing it!


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